Matchday 33: Relegated

Well, that didn’t go the way I thought it would.

That about says it all, doesn't it?

 

Before our last game of the season I ran through a handful of possible outcomes.  I looked at ways we could stay up, ways we could be relegated and even a specific situation where we’d be in a tie with Jaro in the final standings.  I also thought a lot about the last game against VPS, but I never considered the fact that we’d be playing on a frozen field.  It would be funny if it weren’t so sad:  I spent all week thinking and in the end everything I thought was wrong.

 

One thing I got right though was the result of our match.  We beat VPS, 1-0.  It was a hard fought game with a lot of emotion.  Obviously we wanted to win the game so our emotions were high.  Surprisingly though, VPS also played with a lot of emotion.  Too much really, as their right back got sent off in the first half for elbowing Piri and breaking his nose.  Another surprise was the strong team that VPS fielded.  I had suspected/hoped that they would play a 2^nd choice team, but as far as I could tell they played at least most of their regular players.  Every player that I knew started the game, so they definitely weren’t in the mood to either do us any favors or to screw over their rivals Jaro.

 

As for the game itself, there’s not much to say.  We won 1-0 and maybe could have had a few more.  I could have had a few assists in the first half if not for some misfortune.  The most blatant case of this was when I played Obi clear in on the keeper.  His first touch took him around the stranded goalie, but before he could tap into the open net with his 2^nd touch, he fell on the ice and couldn’t even get a shot off.  It is what it is though, and fortunately it didn’t cost us.

 

As a bit of a side note of our game I have to mention the incredible fan support we received.  The number is estimated at almost 400 people who made the four hour bus ride to Vaasa and cheered us to victory.  I’ll not soon forget looking at those fans and seeing them legitimately go wild after we scored.  It was like the scenes you see on tv every weekend around the big European leagues.  I know it was “only” a few hundred people, but it felt like all of Valkeakoski was behind us.  VPS didn’t have hardly any chances, and honestly I can’t imagine that we could have lost that game with the support that the fans showed us.  Unfortunately, winning alone wasn’t enough.  Jaro shockingly beat TPS in Turku and stayed one point ahead of us and in the league.

 

It’s easy after getting relegated to think about all the things that could have gone differently.  I’m sure every single fan has had those thoughts, and I know every player and coach has.  We only finished last by one point.  I mean so many tiny things going differently would have kept us safe:  I had a header saved in the last few minutes against MIFK.  We tied Jaro at home after they got a red card with 20 minutes to go.  We lost in the last second against FC Inter after missing multiple chances to win the game.  We gave up a lead at KuPS with three minutes left.  The list could go on and on.  But we can’t think like that.  We have to think about our time going forward.  This isn’t the first time Haka has been relegated, and it says a lot about the club that both of the previous times they went right back up.  I’m very confident that the third time will be no different.

 

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On a personal note, I am leaving Finland tomorrow.  I'll be leaving Europe on Nov. 14.

 

For those who care to know, over the next few weeks I will be in London, multiple cities in Morocco, London again and then Helsinki before I return to America for the winter.  I have no idea where I’ll be playing next year and I haven’t had any contact yet with Haka about returning.  All of that will be sorted soon enough though, and that’s why players have agents!  I’m very confident in the people who represent me and I’m sure they will help me decide what’s best.  But those conversations won’t happen for many weeks or months.  In the meantime I’m just worried about staying in shape and recharging my batteries after many months away from my family and old friends.  I can’t wait to return to America and spend a few months visiting them.  It will be good to put this past year behind me.

 

The meme:

outside my apartment

Seinajoki

 

Sad Black Guy in Suomi

I am not happy right now.

 

Actually, that’s not quite true.  Let me rephrase:  I am really fucking unhappy right now.

 

The last week has been absolutely miserable for me for many reasons, a couple of which I will talk about and a couple that I simply can’t put in this blog.  I value things that I’ve worked hard for and wouldn’t want to destroy them with a few frustrated words.  If you want gossip, get a People magazine.  If you want the hard truth about being a foreigner and having an absolutely terrible time trying to chase his dream in Europe, then I’ve got just the post for you.

 

Before I begin, let me say for full disclosure that I did not get into the last game, a 0-0 draw with Jaro.  It was a game we honestly needed to win and certainly should have won.  Jaro got a red card with about 20 minutes or so left and after that they didn’t even attempt to attack.  Once the red card happened we needed to have a sense of urgency to win the game, but also remember to work for good chances.  We did neither.  I just wanted to mention that I didn’t play last night so if you want to think that what I’ll say going forward is just sour grapes, then you have every right to believe what you want.

 

Let me also say that I have no interest in attacking any players on this blog.  I generally like this team, though not half as much as I liked the guys on my team in Sweden.  Part of that is that I was with the Swedish team on a preseason trip to Turkey.  I got a chance to really start to bond with some players in Turkey who otherwise I would never have spoken to outside of trainings.  Here, I don’t speak with over half the players beyond a simple, “Moi” when I arrive.  That’s not to say that those guys are bad people; hell, if anything it means that I haven’t made enough effort to reach out to everybody.  But when you’re in a situation like that, it makes the shitty times shittier and the good times not so good. 

 

Anyway in our last match we played Obi and Jonne as our starting wingers (I might do a “Meet FC Haka” sticky page like I did for ESK, but that took a long time to do.  I dunno if I want to do another one.).  I really like Obi and Jonne.  No one on this team understands my style or plays with me more comfortably than Obi.  Jonne has proven himself to be a very important attacking player in our team and he deserves to start every game.  They both are also really nice to me and all-around great guys.  I wish my teammates nothing but the best.  But Obi and Jonne are strikers.  They live to score goals.  They are both good at creating goals, but from the position of the middle of the field, not the sides.  As a result, our team played against Jaro with very little width.  That was ok, because we pretty much lined up to play that way.  It wasn’t necessarily the plan, but we all knew that Obi and Jonne would drift to the middle and we encouraged it.  I have no problem with Obi and Jonne (or Claudio or Juha Pirinen) starting, that’s not my problem.  I’ll get to that in a bit.

Before that though honestly...how adorable is my niece?  If you don't think this is the cutest thing ever, then go jump off a bridge because you are incapable of feeling.

 

Like I mentioned earlier, Jaro got a red card late on and essentially decided to bunker in and play for a draw.  For the next 10 minutes, I watched as we pushed wave after wave of attack in the same style:  We’d get the ball to the fullback or defensive midfielder, and he’d play a deep ball into the box.  Now, both of Jaro’s center backs are about 6’ 3”, 210lbs.  These guys aren’t gonna be beat by a 40-50 yards cross.  In fact, we were probably just adding time to their highlight tapes by playing those balls that they powered out of the box almost every time.  And that leads to my problem.

 

If I have any role on this team, it’s to stretch defenses.  I’m not on the team for my passing ability.  I’m not on the team for my amazing touch on the ball.  I’m not on the team for my defending.  I’m not on the team for my good looks (though honestly, that should be enough for a contractJ).  My point is that I’m on this team for a very specific purpose.  Specific enough that I understand (even if I’m not happy) if I don’t play every game.  If ever a defense needed to be stretched, it was last night against Jaro.  They were effectively playing 5-4-0 for the last ten minutes of the match.  Yet the tendency of our team was to play through the middle all the time.  In my humble opinion, if I had been given 5-10 minutes, I could have caused Jaro problems by getting all the way wide and putting pressure on Jaro to defend the wide areas behind their defense.  Even if I didn’t put in the killer cross to win the game, a few runs from me behind would make the Jaro defenders wary and possibly open up the gaps in the middle we were looking for.  As it was, we could still be playing and probably not have scored the way we were playing.  Not that we played poorly; We actually played quite well overall, but our inflexibility in attack meant that we never looked like scoring from a passing move.  In fact, we had 3-4 good chances to score.  One was from a corner kick, one was from a 2^nd ball after a cross came in on the floor (the only cross on the floor of the whole game) and one was from our fullback shooting from distance.

 

To be clear, I’m in no way saying “Bench so-and-so and put me in.”  I’m not saying that.  What I’m saying is that for a player like me, one who has a very defined and specific role, it is very disappointing and disheartening to not be used when that very specific situation arises in a match.  I’m not even saying that I should have come in for a winger.  I could have come on for any of the six defensive-minded we had in to deal with a non-existent attacking threat at the end.  I would have played as a winger, but that doesn’t mean that in this situation I had to come on for the person playing winger at the time.

 

All this has led me to come to a very somber conclusion that I have no reason to doubt: the staff does not think that I have the ability to help Haka avoid relegation.  There are other possible explanations, but that seems the most likely at the moment.  It’s not like I’m the only person in the squad in that position.  I won’t names but you can look at the roster and see the names of players who haven’t been used and make your own conclusions.  Most likely not everyone will be used down the stretch.  That’s just the nature of soccer.  There are only three subs so you have to play your best team pretty much every week to be competitive.  This conclusion makes me very upset and even angry, but I am a professional and I will be ready and willing if and when the staff decides they need me.  It might be Wednesday at MYPA or it might not be until the final minute of the final match.  Regardless of when I get another chance I’ll be ready, just like I was ready last night if I had been called upon.

 

The last thing I’ll mention (I planned to talk about other stuff, but this point went on much longer than I anticipated) is that I absolutely do not think that I’m being treated unfairly or with any malice.  I know that the staff is doing only what they think gives the club the best chance to win.  I have never felt that there is anything personal keeping me off the field or down the pecking order.  If I was the best player but the coach hated me, I would still start every game.  I think that Juha likes me in fact, he just thought yesterday that subbing me in (or Topi, Sasa, Juuso or Pauli) wasn’t the best way to win the game.  I obviously don’t agree with that sentiment.  But Juha’s been brought in because he is a top-level coach and has proven himself multiple times over.  And no one’s ever asked me to coach a team, so what do I know? J

 

This was a depressing post, so I’m gonna put up two memes today.  Try and lift the spirits a bit!

 

 

Matchday 23: (Another) Nightmare in Turku

The last game was the single worst game I’ve ever been a part of.  We lost 9-2.  The game went exactly the way it sounds.

 The team has taken this really hard.  A lot of things have happened in the last 48 hours and now we’ve got to get it together and move forward.  We play FC Lahti and a win would go a long way towards helping to keep this club in Veikkausliiga.  I’ll talk more about everything when my spirits are a bit higher.

That’s all I can write at the moment.  I’m too embarrassed with my performance and the performance of my team to pop up in any public forum.  If you like my blog, hope for a Haka win tomorrow and maybe you’ll see the old me again!

Matchday 22: Trip to Vaasa

Well, that didn’t go to plan.

Vaasa when I was there in February.

I played my second game (of my 2^nd stint) with Haka yesterday against VPS and we lost, 2-1.  If you remember, I said here that I would start the match.  In fact, if you don’t remember then stop reading right now and go to a doctor because I’m pretty sure you have Alzheimer’s.  Anyway, things didn’t go exactly the way I expected and I was relegated to a place on the bench.  No one likes going to the bench, but I understood.  We have a lot of quality attacking players in the squad and we can’t all play at the same time.  If we did, we’d lose every game 5-4.  We’d probably win a lot of new fans, but not so many points.

The game itself was strange.  We gave up a goal within 45 seconds, and I still have no idea what happened.  I know that the goal itself was the result of our goalie having his pass blocked by the opposing striker, but I don’t know how that situation could possibly have occurred.  After that things didn’t get much better and we were on the back foot for at least the first 25 minutes.  VPS then scored a 2^nd goal and things looked like they  could get ugly.  At that moment I was thinking about how impressive VPS looked.  During my time in Finland I’ve seen every team play in person and no 25 minute span was any better than their opening.  But then Sami, proving why he’s the coach, made a brilliant substitution that changed the game.  A substitution that I wouldn’t have thought to make in a million years.  We took off one of our wingers and put in a defensive midfielder, even though we were down two goals.  This seems like a defensive sub, but in reality it turned the whole game around.  Within five minutes we had created two clear chances and scored one of them.  VPS didn’t know what the hell was happening.  We went into halftime full of confidence.

Now before I go into the 2^nd half, I want to mention again just how impressed I was with Sami’s tactical switch.  People who have followed this blog will know that I love tactical discussion.  I love analyzing a game based on how each team’s tactics affected each other.  That said, whenever I am on the bench I try to put myself in the coach’s head and think about what I would do to change the result on the pitch.  To be honest, I had come up with my own plan, which was to switch our customary 4-3-3/4-2-3-1 into a 4-4-2 to match VPS’s 4-4-2.  It would have defined everyone’s role much better and allowed us to turn the tide a bit.  Sami didn’t do this.  I don’t want to reveal what he actually did because I don’t want to give anything away to the opposition, but trust me it was brilliant.  I’m not just saying this because he’s my coach and I want brownie points or anything.  I’m saying it because it is the truth.  Once Sami made the change VPS had no response and the game became balanced and even saw us dominate portions.

The 2^nd half was much better from us.  We passed better than we did against Honka in our last game and we created some good chances.  In the time I was in we hit the post, I had a chip go just over the bar (I should have done better) and I would have had a 1-on-1 with the keeper but I was taken out.  The foul was a textbook sending off, but the defender only got yellow.  I was upset that the referee didn’t follow the rulebook, but then again you don’t want to argue for a player to get a red.  It’s just tacky.  The ensuing free kick from 20 yards out went just a foot or so over the goal.  A few minutes late the game was over and we went home with nothing.

She's literally more likely to poop
on herself than say my name.

I don’t think many people consider what it’s like for a team that has just lost a game on the road.  Nobody is happy, and even if you had some reason to be you can’t show it.  For instance, if I had gotten on the bus and had an email that said that my niece spoke my name for the first time (she’s 11 months so that’s not really likely) I couldn’t just go around spreading the good news.  Instead, I have to sit in my seat on the bus in silence like everyone else.  In addition, there’s guys on every team who feel a need to show just how mad they are about a loss.  It’s not ok for you to know you’re upset; these people need everyone around them to know they’re upset.  There doesn’t exist a losing locker room where someone doesn’t kick over a trash can or throw a water bottle in disgust.  I suggested shortly after the game that we should go back out and do a cool-down.  I clearly didn’t judge the temperature of the room correctly, because it was clearly too soon for level-headed ideas on preparing ourselves for our next match.  Ten minutes later though the idea was brought up again and a dozen guys went out to cool down.  I guess that makes me a prophet.

Another staple of the return trip of a lost game is the showing of the match dvd on the bus televisions.  Of course no one wants to watch themselves lose and most people aren’t in the mood for critical analysis of their play anyway, but for those who are it can be constructive.  This particular video though was incredibly annoying as it would randomly jump back 15 seconds every few minutes.  As a result, it took over two hours for the game to play out.  After that, we sat in near-total silence until we arrived back in Valkeakoski.  Fans may take losses hard, but they’re at home watching their favorite tv comedy an hour later.  Our job almost requires us to obsess over our losses which can be quite stressful.  Being on a losing bus sucks.

On the flip side, being on a winning bus is the greatest thing ever.  The coach effectively becomes a party bus.  This is the bus I was on when I was playing in Harrisburg.  We had just beaten the Rochester Rhinos to earn a place in the final the next week:

 That’s why you gotta win.  I’ll be back after our next game on Wednesday.  Hopefully I’ll have a video as awesome as the one above!

The meme:

Three Little Birds

Bob Marley fans will get that title.

I was offered a contract today.  I haven’t signed it yet and I’m incredibly scared of the offer going away for some reason so I won’t mention the team just yet.  However I’m traveling tomorrow to go sign the contract so I should be able to let you guys know soon enough.  The contract is for a net sum of $1500/month.  Of course I won’t be paid in US dollars but that’s the equivalent amount.  I will also be given an apartment, so my only real expense will be food.  Maybe I can work out a deal with a restaurant once I arrive.

This offer means that my time in Enkoping is definitely over.  I pretty much knew that before, but it’s kind of hitting me now.  While I wasn’t in Enkoping for long, I did make a few pretty good friends and I will miss them.  I will see them in the future, but it’s a bit weird to know that some of the other guys I will never see again.  The same way there are plenty of guys from my Harrisburg and Crystal Palace Baltimore teams that I will never see again.  I guess it’s just part of the job.  My teammates are really just co-workers, and if one of us changes jobs then that’s it.  We just go our separate ways.  It’s a part of this life and I just have to accept it.

I can’t say I’m too sad though.  I’m going to a good opportunity and success at this club could mean really big things for my career.  I expect that I will have success, but then again I would expect that even if I was going to La Liga or the Bundesliga; I have a confidence that can never be destroyed.  It wavers sometimes, but nothing/no one will ever take my self-confidence.  That will never happen.

That’s enough with the mystery.  I’ll be traveling tomorrow but maybe I can get a post up in a few days once I’ve sorted everything.  Please send happy thoughts my way, because if this offer comes off the table between now and the time I can sign it then I will be really down in the dumps.  I wish I could sign the contract right now, but it will have to wait at least until tomorrow afternoon.  As soon as I get to the new club I will try to sign the contract before they realize I’m not any good!  Haha the reveal of the team is coming in the next post!

And last but not least, today’s meme.  It's actually a photobomb, but it sums up how I feel right now.  No need to dwell on the semantics.

Real Work Sucks

Hey guys,

I have a few pictures that I’ve taken over the weeks that I never posted so I’ll put those at the end of this post.  The only news I have at the moment is that I spoke with my Swedish agent today.  He doesn’t have anything for me at the moment, but we discussed my possible Swedish options.  I won’t go into what those are, other than the possibility that I will stay at ESK.  I don’t know what the situation is there, but I can’t worry about it because it’s not my decision whether or not they offer me an extension.  I was happy that the agent called me though.  I hadn’t spoken with him in like six weeks and I was beginning to wonder where the hell he was.  At least now he’s had a chance to hear my thoughts and ideas about what my future holds.  I’ve said it before and I believe it now as much as ever: I’m too old to be on the bench of a relegation-threatened division 1 team.  If I’m playing and contributing it’s a different story, but I think that Siggi has made up his mind on me and if I return then I will spend a good portion of the next three months on the bench.  In my opinion, if I just want to sit on the bench, then I can do that at an Allsvenskan or Veikkausliiga (finnish top division) club.  The money, prestige and lifestyle would all be better in those leagues anyway.

Robert and his brother Mattias playing.

After training today, a lot of the local guys went to K14 for a little night out, so to speak.  I was told that this would be a dinner thing with a bunch of ESK guys and that Daniel and Robert were going to perform on their guitars.  “There will be free food,” they said.  “It’ll be fun,” they said.  Well…this night out turned out to be a fundraiser for ESK in which the players served as waiters for the evening.  We also served as the entire cleanup staff as well.  For those who don’t know, cleaning up after people at a restaurant is an absolute nightmare.  To think that people do this for a living (for minimum wage, no less) is incredible.  I spent about two hours in the washroom rinsing and scrubbing plates, pots and pans and it was absolutely awful.  We did get the meal for free, but then again after four hours of work it certainly didn’t feel free.  Thank God I have a job where I don't have to clean up anything.

An interesting thing happened during the night out: Siggi got me setup to eat meals at K14 for free.  It was a really nice gesture by him.  He didn’t have to step in and make that happen but he did, so I’m very grateful for that.  What’s interesting about it though is that my contract effectively ends in 48 hours.  After that, I’ll be gone for the better part of two weeks then a few days later my contract ends.  Either Siggi plans on me being around for the rest of the year or he simply forgot that my contract ends and has no interest in bringing me back.  I surely overthinking this, so I’ll stop, but that’s what career uncertainty can do to ya.  In June 2010, I quit Crystal Palace Baltimore because of ongoing issues I had with the club.  I assumed I’d find a team and be playing again by the end of the month.  I never found a team and was completely out of soccer and working as a car salesman by July.  I don’t want to go back to selling cars or whatever other ridiculous job I’d surely try if I don’t sign a contract by the close of the transfer window in August!  I need to find a team, and as of right now the clock is ticking.  50 days and counting…

The entrance to Enavallen (our stadium)

I took this the night we all went out drinking.  This picture was as I was walking home and was taken at 3:30am.  The sun's already up!

Warning sign for the elevator.  Apparently there's a big risk of breaking your neck.

Homesick

‘ello!

That’s me being British, by the way.  I’m only doing it because I got over 100 hits from the UK over the last 48 hours.  I think the fact that my blog is in English and talks a lot about soccer in Sweden is the reason so many Brits ended up at my blog on the day England played Sweden at the European Championships.  Besides that, sorry I’ve been away for a bit.  To be honest things have not been going very well here in Enkoping or in my personal life.  I won’t go into the personal things, but they play a major part of my life.  Just not really for the blog I guess.  The point I’m making though is that this week has really sucked and for the first time in my life I am truly homesick.

It’s a weird thing being homesick.  At least for me it is.  When I was 18 I left home to live in Tampa for college, then subsequently Baltimore and Harrisburg and now Sweden (and very briefly Finland).  I’ve spent plenty of time at home during those years.  In fact, I lived there for 4 months this past winter, which were awesome because I got to know little baby Amani.  Still, I’ve spent a lot of time far away from home and not once have I ever felt the way I felt a couple days ago.  I won’t talk about the personal life stuff, but I will say that I got hit with a couple of doozies within 72 hours of each other.  Those were coupled with the facts that I’ve been relegated to the bench for what are probably my last five games with ESK and the uncertainty of becoming a free agent in six weeks.  I emailed my agent contacts in Sweden and Finland, but neither has responded as yet.  That’s not good.  Typically when an agent doesn’t respond it’s because they have nothing for you.  An agent who has options for you is happy to talk and work out a contract.  Maybe I just need to be patient.  I would be happy to stay at ESK for the rest of the season, but not if I’m going to be buried on the bench.  I can sit on the bench in America.  Or in a city that has more to do off the field than Enkoping.  Hell, from what I saw when I was there, I could probably walk into a 2^nd division Finnish team no problem.  But that stuff isn’t for me to find, it’s for the agents.  There’s money in it for them so I know that they’ll look.  I'm not saying I necessarily want to leave ESK; in fact to get to Allsvenskan I'll probably need to play the whole season at ESK anyway.  I can't imagine a team taking me from the bench of the third tier to Allsvenskan in the August transfer window.

This is getting kind of disjointed but oh well, back to being homesick.  I’ve missed home before, but I’ve never considered myself to be homesick.  It just kind of seems like everything in my life is going to hell all of a sudden.  My dream of playing professional soccer has taken me to the last place team in the third division of Sweden, where I've done nothing to help the situation and sit on the bench.  My contract will be up in essentially one month and from there I have no options at the moment.  The only person in the entire country who I knew before I got here is my ex-girlfriend.  Think about that, you’re in a faraway place and you’re miserable and the only person you can possibly talk to is your ex-girlfriend?  You’d be homesick too.  She and I get along well, but you know what I'm saying.

That is literally all I have right now.  I wish I lived somewhere exciting, but I don’t.  We have 2 out of every 5 days off so 40% of the days I do absolutely nothing.  The only thing keeping me sane right now is entertainment in the form of Netflix and the Euro Championships.  I guess I could go to Stockholm again.  If nothing else I could just walk around the city.  I really like visiting big cities, even though I wouldn’t want to live in one.  I bought a new Playstation 2 game as well, so that should take up a big chunk of time.

I’m feeling better now, so you know.  I’ve had a rough week, but that’s par for the course when you move to a very new place.  There’s gonna be bumps in the road and it’s all about how you handle them.  It could always be worse.  I mean (knock on wood) I have my health, and my moviestar good looks!  I still believe that I will make it in a good league here in Europe.  Maybe it’ll be Sweden, or maybe it will be Finland, Belgium, Denmark or some other place. Or the 2nd divisions of one of the bigger leagues.  I believe in my ability, and just as importantly I believe in the ability of the people who find clubs for me.  Hopefully I can prove my worth here at ESK and make a move from that, but if not there’s other ways to get where I want to be.  Keep supporting me.  I know I’ll make it!

First XI and Tangent-Rant

Game number 2 is tomorrow, and I’m excited because I’m eligible to play!  I’m also excited because I’ve been named to the starting lineup, so I’ll have an opportunity to show my stuff!

The last few days have been quite boring.  A bunch of us got together at K14 to watch Barcelona vs. Real Madrid and that was interesting, though the game itself was quite subdued as many of you know.  Since there’s not so much happening at the moment I’m going to use my time here to make a little observation and then go on a rant so bear (bare?) with me.

First for the observation: men in Sweden refuse to wear slacks, but insist on wearing button-down dress shirts and blazers.  It’s like every single day of the year is business casual in this country.  At the kickoff party a few weeks back, I noticed that every single guy there (myself included) was wearing jeans.  There were probably 50 men there and there were no exceptions.  Why do they dress like this?  I don’t think it’s a bad look, but I mean at some point you would think one guy would be brave and complement his blazer with a nice pair of dress pants.  It’s not going to happen though, the style is the style.  I’ll just have to continue living my life in one big H&M commercial.

In other news, Siggi told me today that he spoke with a newspaper in the area and that they might be interested in working with me in some capacity.  It could be that the blog gets reprinted in their publication or I could be doing something that they assign to me or it could all come to nothing.  Regardless of what happens with the paper it was very nice of Siggi to take the time to mention me to them.  He has no responsibility to ensure that I have work outside of the club, but he knows that the money definitely would help and he’s doing all he can to see that I have the best experience possible in Sweden.  I really appreciate that.  The way I’m treated by the club here is very good.  They don’t have a ton of resources, but they help in whatever way they can.  It’s very similar to the Harrisburg City Islanders, and the complete opposite of Crystal Palace Baltimore.

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I put that line there to signify that I will be going on a rant.  If you don’t want to hear my rant, then the blog is over for today and I’ll see you in 48 hours of so.  Trust me, I understand if you don’t want to hear about how awful my life is when I sleep 10 hours everyday and play soccer/watch Netflix for a living.  Honestly I get it.  Anywho…

My apartment-mate (I think I just made that term up, but oh well) is driving me crazy.  For the second time in like four days, I woke up this morning to him washing himself in the kitchen sink.  I’ve tried multiple times to engage him in some sort of communication, but he won’t have it.  Now realize, I’m not talking about us sharing our life stories, just basic cordial communication.  He won’t budge so things continue to be awkward.  When I hear that he’s out in the hallway or kitchen I simply don’t leave my room.  If I have to pee I hold it.  If I’m hungry I wait.  That’s just how it is at the moment.  Now if that was the extent of my problems (and up until today it was) then you’d never hear a rant about it.  I’d still joke about some of the stuff because I’m a humorous person and like to keep things light-hearted, but now two things have rubbed me the wrong way.  The first isn’t a big deal, but the second is a real problem.

First, like I mentioned earlier this morning I walked out of my bedroom and into the kitchen to brush my teeth.  I’ve been keeping my toothbrush in my room instead of the bathroom recently because someone threw my toothbrush away when cleaning up the bathroom.

I’m sorry, but Tangent-rant:

Who throws away someone else’s toothbrush?!  Think about this, have you ever thrown away another person’s toothbrush?  Have you ever even touched a roommate’s toothbrush?  Why in the world would I have a toothbrush in the bathroom if I thought it should be thrown away?!  If I wanted my toothbrush in the trash, I would have put it there.  I wouldn’t just leave it on the window sill next to the toothpaste and razor.  Whoever threw away my toothbrush had to consciously decide that somehow I didn’t want the toothbrush anymore, but I did want the toothpaste and razor.  Only an insane person or a dick would do something like that, and I don’t think any crazy people have been in my bathroom…but then again how would I know?  The lock on the front door doesn’t work.

Ok, back to the original rant.

So I have the toothpaste on my (new) toothbrush and I walk into the kitchen (because the bathroom sink is still on the floor) only to see my apartment-mate washing up in his undies.  That’s all fine and good, better than if he didn’t wash up at all, you know?  But he wouldn’t acknowledge that I was standing there.  Clearly I’m not just trying to watch him wash up.  I said excuse me multiple time and he had to hear me, but no response.  Finally after 20 seconds of just standing there I just barged in and used the sink.  I was a bit perturbed about that but it wasn’t really a big deal.  However the second thing is a big deal.  Tonight I noticed for the second time in as many nights the smell of cigarette smoke.  Last night it was kind of late when I got home from the Real Madrid vs. Barca viewing party so I didn’t pay much attention to the smoke smell.  I just figured it was coming from outside or something.  Today however there’s no doubt that the smoke is coming from my good friend on the other side of the wall.  Now I’m legitimately upset.  It’s one thing to be a dick, and to be fair this guy might be really nice but just doesn’t want to be bothered with me at the moment.  It’s another thing though to have cigarette smoke lingering in the house.  I’m not against people smoking cigarettes, I just don’t want to live with anyone who is smoking in the house.  Yet another reason why I need to move out of this apartment asap.  I’ve been looking, but it’s not easy to find an apartment in Enkoping.  Maybe I’ll go into detail about my apartment search sometime, but not now.  I’ve already made the post too long with my rant and tangent-rant.

Back on topic for the last five seconds, like I said before my first match and the team’s second is tomorrow.  Wish me luck!

MYPA a "no go" means I'm looking west

March 4:

We all know the drill at this point…I was not offered a contract by MYPA.  I didn’t post yesterday because I didn’t have any news and I figured no one reads this anyway so nobody got left hangin.  If you were on eggshells waiting for me to post, well then I’m very sorry.  Bad news can always wait though, right?

Now I’m in a very uncomfortable situation.  My Finnish agent doesn’t at the moment have anything for me and I haven’t heard from the Swedish agent I work with in 10 days or so.  That means I’m stuck sitting in Myllykoski, Finland with nowhere to go.  I can’t take a trip, because at any time one of the agents could call and I’d need to get my two huge suitcases and two smaller bags and go.  But sitting here isn’t gonna do me any good either.  The only good thing about being here now is that it’s rent-free.  If I had to pay for a hotel for a week out of pocket it would ruin me financially, so I’m pretty much stuck here until the next trial comes along.

Now you may be wondering two things: 1. Why are you not getting signed by these clubs if you think you’re doing so well? and 2. What are you doing to help yourself?  Well, I’m glad you asked.

In all three of my trials now, I have been let go not for a lack of ability, but instead for a lack of fit within the team.  Now don’t get me wrong, ability does play a role.  If I showed up at any of these clubs and was head and shoulders better than everyone, then of course the club would find room for me regardless of how I fit into the system.  However, I’m not that player.  In fact I don’t think my game could be less suited to a trial.  I’m super fast, but when I first play with new teammates they almost never adjust right away.  Often my first couple of games with new teammates will feature a ton of underhit through passes or mistimed runs for offsides and so on.  Unfortunately, in a trial those first two games are always the only thing the coach sees.  Since a striker is almost required to score on his trial to be offered a contract, I’ve been put in a tough situation because I am virtually incapable of creating my own goals.  I’m more Darren Bent than Lionel Messi.  It’s ok, I accept that I won’t be the most talented player on every field I play on, but I do feel that I can be very effective at this level.  I don’t know if I mentioned a trial I had last fall in Sweden, but it was with a team called GAIS and they finished 5^th in the Allsvenskan, which is the top league in that country.  They told me the exact same thing that all the Finnish clubs have said.  To paraphrase, "We like you and you're good enough, but we have no need for a player like you at this time."  The reason I mention that trial is because I did just as good or better with that team as I did with any of the Finnish teams I trialed with, even though the Swedish team was a clearly higher level.  The reason is that better teammates make me more effective since I rely on quality service from the players behind me.  Maybe if I get a trial in Sweden I can put that theory to the test again.

As for what I’m doing to help myself, I’ve started an email campaign that would embarrass even the most ardent self-promoters.  If you want to know who I’ve emailed, look at the league table for Norway and Denmark’s top division, start at the bottom and work your way up to about 7-10^th in each league.  If I don't hear from them, I'll start emailing the second division teams starting from the top down. I haven’t emailed all the teams, partly because these email addresses can be quite hard to find, but at least 40% of them have gotten or will get an email in the next 3 days.  It seems crazy, but professional sports teams find players this way.  If you think that a top division Norwegian team getting an email from me and then offering me a trial is farfetched, I put one question to you:  How big do you think these teams’ scouting budgets are?  Most of the teams average 5-8k a game and put the majority of that revenue to player/coaches salaries.  The scouts probably aren’t going too far other than the occasional trip to a neighboring country.  An email from me is a free player with almost no downside for the club if they are indeed looking for my position.  I offer to travel to them out of my own pocket just for a chance.  Hopefully it works out.  I’ve also emailed a friend or two who may be able to help.  Sadly (I prefer humbly), I’m not above begging!

So now I wait.  I honestly don’t know what tomorrow will bring.  There are a few realistic things that could happen in the next week:  I could go on another trial in Finland (probably the Veikkausliiga, but I would consider the 2^nd division here if the city of the club was nice), a trial in Sweden, one of the clubs I emailed in Norway or Denmark could call, or less realistically Jaro could decide that I’m better than the new trialists they have and ask for me to come back.

The biggest comfort I have in my situation is that I have such a strong base of support.  My mom and dad are nothing but wonderful and encouraging.  I won’t make them do it, but they would support me financially and emotionally if I wanted to stay in Europe and keep taking tryouts for the next 7 months.  I also have great agents working for me both here in Finland and in Sweden, not to mention my actual agent in America.  Those guys have done a great job and had I been a bit better, we could have toasted a contract long ago.  I’m sure they’ll find a good place for me.

I can’t say when my next post will be.  If I end up leaving tomorrow it may be 2-3 days before I can settle in somewhere and put out a new post.  Or I might just be sitting in Myllykoski and have nothing to say.  You’ll know when the next post hits the presses!  Til then wish me luck.  I need it!

Playing with MYPA: The Worst Thing Ever

February 25:

What a catastrophe of a day.  We played a League Cup match today against FC Lahti.  I played the last 30 minutes or so and was absolutely terrible.  Of course, I wouldn’t be a good whiner if I didn’t blame some of my performance on the lack of service from my teammates.  I literally touched the ball maybe a half dozen times total in 30 minutes.  To make matters worse, the coach (who yelled at everybody) yelled at me constantly to “wake up!”

One thing that I’ve noticed since I’ve been here is that the coaches seem to want me to be something I’m not.  Despite the fact that I played great in a two striker set during both training sessions, I was thrown into the match today as a lone striker.  Both of the center backs on the other team were big, physical players and they dominated me in the air.  The whole time I was in the game I never received a pass to my feet or into a space where I could get it.  I did have one bright moment when I intercepted a pass in midfield and carried the ball to the edge of the box before laying it to the winger, who promptly crossed it out of bounds for a goal kick.  It was that kind of day for myself and the team.

I haven’t spoken to the coach but I don’t anticipate getting good news.  While it’s still possible that my performances in training will earn me a contract, it’s more likely that the match performance undermined my chances.  If so then I’m not too concerned since I’m not too big on the idea of playing here anyway.  I think my next move will be to go to Sweden, since my name is probably losing a bit of weight in the finnish league.  I’ve been essentially cut by two teams and MYPA would be the third so I don’t know what my options will be with other clubs in the league.  I’ve had trial offers in Sweden before so hopefully I can arrange one or two this week and next.  I would prefer to live in Sweden anyway, so maybe things will still work out for the best after all.

Tomorrow is likely a travel day, so I’ll be in touch soon but maybe not tomorrow.

Coming to Kouvola...uh, I mean Myllykoski

February 21:

Today was pretty boring but noteworthy because I have now arrived at my next trial with MYPA (mee-pa).  The club is located in Myllykoski, which is part of a group of towns that form Kouvola.  Of course, things being the way they have been thus far in Finland, I had no idea that the club was not in the center of Kouvola.  What that meant was that instead of staying and training in a relatively good sized city (Kouvola’s city center is upwards of 50,000 people in a space about the quarter the size of Indianapolis or Tampa’s downtowns), I was staying in a village of what can’t be more than a couple thousand people.  Myllykoski is by far the smallest town I have visited in my time here.  It makes Valkeakoski seem like a metropolis.

That said, at least I’m here.  After waking up and schlepping my luggage to the rail station, I took three trains and six and a half hours to reach the Kouvola train station.  There I awaited my ride…and waited. 

And waited. 

After two hours finally, mercifully, a player came to the rescue and picked me up.  The player was really nice though and put my mind at ease.  That is, until I got to the place where I’m staying.  It’s an apartment that is connected to the club office and it is a nightmare.  In stark contrast to the nice hotels I’ve been staying at up until this point, this place is more or less a dump.  The electricity isn’t even working is most of the rooms.  I’m writing this blog post from the kitchen, since the room I’m staying in has no lighting whatsoever and the plugs in the room don’t work.  My room doesn’t even have a door.  If I had a normally functioning laptop I could just charge it up and then work from my room, but like a big dum dum I bought my laptop on craigslist and therefore it carries no charge and shuts off the second it’s disconnected from the charger.  Oh well…

Complaining aside, I’m ready to get this trial going.  Tomorrow probably won’t be much as the club just played a match today (they won, 2-1).  Maybe the sun coming up will give me a sunnier disposition.  I hope so, because the way I feel now makes me wonder if coming to Finland was even a good idea.  I had a lot of optimism in traveling over here, but a series of bad things happening has made me wonder if maybe success here just isn’t in the cards for me.  I was a starter with a contract at Haka and they let me go, then I played well and was dangerous in a position of need for Jaro and they let me go as well.  Hopefully MYPA will see that I’m good enough to help and offer me a contract based on that, but even then I don’t know if I even want to stay here.  If I get an offer I guess I would have to take it since there are no others, but I have to weigh my unhappiness against the small salary and relatively long odds of moving to somewhere bigger and better.  But those are tough decisions that professionals have to make.  And I’ve got a ways to go before I can even get to that point.  We’ll see what tomorrow brings.

The Worst Valentine's Day Ever

February 14:

Valentine’s Day is a day of love.  A day specifically set aside each year for couples to affirm how much they care about each other.  All around the world(The world, right? Valentine’s Day isn’t just in the US/Europe is it?)men and women are showing their affection for each other through gifts and whatnot.  My Valentine’s Day has been a bit different.  Why?  Well I’m glad you asked:

Haka told me today that I was released and now I’m in Jakobstad, Finland to start a trial with FF Jaro of the Veikkausliiga.

 I have been dumped by my club.  On Valentine’s Day.

And that is how you bury a lead.  Let me backtrack a bit.  First, we gotta set the scene.  Cue the music that plays while the heist from Ocean's 11 is explained at the end…screen fades to white to signify that we’re talking about the past aaaaaaannnnnnnddddd we’re in:

Six hours ago I was getting a massage to help recover from the double trainings that I had with Haka on Monday and today.  This morning, I spent the better part of an hour after training with Sami and the other strikers working on finishing.  In the afternoon we finished a difficult practice with fitness.  After it was all done I was pretty tired and looking forward to an off day Wednesday.  I was going to go look for a television for my room.

While I’m getting my massage, Sami hands me an envelope with the reimbursement from my flight and asks to speak with me in his office as soon as my massage is finished.  This struck me as a bit unusual, but I figured that there were only one of a few things that the meeting could be about: 1) He wants me to sign a contract for less money, 2) He wants me to sign a contract with more years since I’m going to be an obvious starter, or 3) A combination of the first two.  Before I can meet with him I get a call from my finnish agent who was provided to me by my agent here in the US saying that Sami has made an unacceptable offer and that he (the agent) will be around to pick me up in an hour to go to another club.  Quite the shocking message to receive.

By this time, Sami had to run out to do something so I went home and started to pack everything I owned back into the suitcases, duffle bag and backpack.  I was truly very sad and couldn’t figure out how or why this was happening.  Wasn’t my contract guaranteed after the 11^th?  Wasn’t I the starting striker for this club?  Did I not show in training and the first match that I could help disproportionately to the value of my contract?  I even wondered if the prospect of me leaving might force Sami into reconsidering his decision.

The meeting did finally happen about an hour later at the clubhouse, with my bags packed in the agent’s car.  Sami and I had a frank discussion about the situation.  I don’t feel any qualms about discussing our conversation here because I think that info like this is kinda the whole point of me making a blog about playing in Europe and secondly because I seriously doubt Sami reads my blog.  Anyway, Sami told me that he liked my play and that he believed that I was up to the level of the finnish league, something I agree with.  However, the club is not in a great place financially and for him to make the commitment to find a way to pay my salary, he had to be absolutely sure I was the player for the job.  He said that he just couldn’t be sure.  Sami then went on to say that after the first match I played against Mariehamn, he was ready to go through with the deal 100%, but that after my performance in the 2^nd match he became hesitant.  As I think about that it makes my mind go all over the place.  I believe that had the two matches been reversed and my better performance had been more recent, then the contract would have been granted.  Sami wanted me to stay for an extended trial for another week or two, but the finnish agent and I both thought that was an unacceptable request.  I also didn’t mention the fact that I have a signed contract as far as I know.  I signed a contract they faxed to me and then faxed it back.  I assumed the team president then signed the contract making it valid, but it’s possible he never did.  That would have made my contract more like a mortgage without a promissory note aka worthless.

Once Sami had his say, I had a chance to speak my mind.  I didn’t run my mouth off and yell and scream but I did make some points that I thought he should know before I left.  I started by saying that my performance in the second match was in part due to fatigue since I hadn’t played a full match in a very long time, let alone two in four days.  He agreed there and also noted without my suggesting it that the whole team played poorly and it would have been difficult for me to show well in such a game.  I then went on to say that I really enjoyed my time at Haka and I hoped that Sami changes his mind because I’d be happy to put this little mess behind us and join up again with the boys.  I also asked him to tell the squad goodbye for me and sorry that I couldn’t tell them in person.  I didn’t want any of the guys thinking I just disappeared in the middle of the night for no reason and didn’t even give them the courtesy of saying goodbye.  But, most importantly, I made sure that Sami knew that what he saw in the three weeks I was here over two separate trials was the player he was getting.  He didn’t need to see me for another week because I’m still gonna be the same player next week as I am this week.  If you need to see more at this point, you’re saying one of two things:  either you think I just need to be coached to be the player you want or you don’t think I can be that player and you just wanted to be extra sure.  I think Sami believes the former so maybe there’s a chance I end up at Haka after all.

Anywho, now I’m in Jakobstad in a hotel.  I play a match tomorrow with a team that I have never met and know nothing about.  I have no idea what formation Jaro play, where they want me to play or how they play.  I don’t know the coaches name or where they finished in the league last year.  I do know that we are playing the club that finished 3^rd place last season, so we’re definitely in for a tough test.  I just hope my body can handle a match on a day that I thought would be free until a few hours ago. 

Stay tuned people and wish me luck!

Oh, and Happy Valentine’s Day.